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Lovers’ Roasted Chicken


Somehow roasted fowl always gets me to think impure thoughts. May be it’s the way the bird is tied up, facing up and with its legs wide open. And the instructions always tells you to “stuff its cavities”.

Jokes aside, here’s a real easy meal to get your lover in the mood for some after dinner extra-curriculum activities.

Dish Name: Lovers’ Roasted Chicken

Time Requirement: 2 hrs (10 min prep).

Skill Level: 4 out of 10


  • one thawed organic chicken (Costco has good ones)
  • one tablespoon of onion powder
  • kosher salt
  • one table spoon of butter
  • two pinches of fresh ground black pepper
  • three carrots
  • four stalks of celery
  • paprika powder
  1. rub down the chicken with salt, black pepper and onion powder generously. Like you are giving an erotic massage.
  2. preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
  3. cut celery and carrots into long sticks.
  4. butter the celery and carrots and insert them into chicken’s cavity (get your mind out of the gutter, stay focused).
  5. place the chicken in a roast pan and put the rest of the veggies around the chicken to soak up the juice as it cooks.
  6. roast the chicken at 375 degrees F for 75 mins.
  7. take out the pan and cover loosely with tin foil (aka tenting) for another 30 mins.
  8. serve with sprinkled paprika powder and pair it with a nice Chardonnay.

There you have it. Quite a simple crowd pleaser. The bones from the chicken can be saved for broth or soups. We use it for a base as our hot pot. It is delicious and economical.

Did you know that the Buddhist monks do not eat onions because it heightens their sexual desires? The paprika and onion combo in this recipe will make your lover’s mind go where Buddha does not want it to go for sure!


Stay tuned for other fun recipes by clicking the “Follow” button on the top right. Comments welcome. Cheers.


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