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Why is it so hard to be faithful?


First of all I do not pretend to be a relationship expert. I had my share of highs and lows on the road to love. Even managed to get divorced at one point. But as the candles on my cake increase I got to know a couple of things. It would be selfish of me if I do not share.

The hardship comes when we are in a relationship full of doubts. Why is it so tough? Why couldn’t two people just be happy together for the rest of their lives? To answer these questions we have to go back in history.

Some anthropologists may beat me over the head with a fossilized femur but I will venture to say that humans are essentially solitary animals. Sure, once in a while we get together to do a group hunt or visit some family to trade some winter nuts. But overall we like to be left alone. Farming, villages, trades, cities, civilization, etc. all these came very late in our history. Our DNA has “loner” written all over it.

So it comes as no surprise that when things get tough our first response is to call it quits. “Get back on the road and hopefully meet another mate who is easier to get along with.” You can go through your entire life like that, in fact many people do. An eternal nomad hopping from relationship to relationship. However, this is called regression, i.e. living like your ancestors.

To progress, is to live like your ideal future self. The next generation of humans is all about building bonds. To do this we need to search out our soul mates and foster a meaningful, healthy, mutually beneficial and balanced relationship.


Instead of giving you a How To guide I am going to tell you a story. The story is called “Lovers’ Bridge” it is an excerpt from my upcoming novel “Of Heaven and Hell”.

“Every spring, when the birds start to serenade the flowers, the young people from the nine villages gather at the river banks beside the bridge. Young men on the north shore and young women on the south. After a long time of blushing and laughing a person would start to sing. It would be his love song he practiced all winter long. As his high notes chase away the inhibitions the women side answer with their own soloist. The men push out another brave singer and then the women again. Sometimes there would be dances or poetry. Women show off their embroideries and men demonstrates acrobatic feats. 

The taunting, show off and joking would last until the late afternoon. Alas a brave young man would call out to the girl who caught his eye. If she is equally impressed she would step up to the center of that broken bridge from the south shore. It is not so easy for the man. For there is no flat masonry remaining on his side. He needs to use a long flimsy bamboo ladder for his climb. As he makes his way across he keeps his eye on his girl. This way, the freezing water below and the gusting wind will not eat away at his courage and make him lose his footing. The woman holds her end of the ladder for her man. The man’s brothers or friends hold on to the base and encourage him onward. When the couple finally meet in the middle the crowd roars. They walk off the center bridge and the scene is repeated for another pair.


The bamboo ladder is intentionally frail and long to remind the couple of all the dangers ahead of them. One slip and the rock and water will tear them apart. The only way is to look into each other’s eyes and find strength and power there. The task cannot be accomplished alone. The young man is to remember all the fear and nerves he overcame to get his girl. In the days of doubts he is to treasure his hard-won chance at love. His girl may not be the prettiest or the most talented dancer, but she is his for keeps. She is his gate to heaven. She is his mate for life.

Not all who meet at the Lovers’ Bridge will marry, but those who do remember this day for the rest of their lives. When things get rough they would hold on to each other’s hands. Their eyes would meet and instantly their minds would be transformed back to the bamboo ladder again. They would know what to do. When hearts connect, every obstacle surrounding them disappears. The rapids, the sharp rocks, the dangers and hurts are only interludes to their lives’ sweet melodies.”

Thanks for listening, I wish you all the best in finding and sustaining a beautiful life with the one you love. Follow your heart and listen to your soul and never give up. Bless you my friends.


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1 Comment »

  1. Very nice article regarding the strength and focus on the beginning of love in a relationship. However time and challenges often prevent physical enjoyment and then you are faced with emotional love and commitment which is not as enjoyable at the time as the initial Love. But as time will tell how strong your love really is or was is totally up to the individual. Memories are only mental pictures of your past that cast a light on real time today.


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